STRESS/ANGER CONFLICTS
I equate stress with emotional discord, which will transpire as a result of every circumstance we are exposed to in life. And all exposures will generate a specific degree of stress with each unique conflict. The only disparities will entail either positive or negative stress, in conjunction with the respective intensity levels, which will be in proportion with the challenges we feel comfortable with, or those we may feel apprehensive about.
There will be circumstances we may believe ourselves to feel confident with, but which could be in total inconsistency with the actuality of the situation. The key here is, having achieved the ability with genuinely feeling how we truly feel about a specific experience, rather than how we may have emotional needs to imagine how we think we feel. (Refer to Chapter VI on Emotional Needs)
Anxiety intensities will always reflect the concealed dynamics of our respective stress situations (stressors), which will entail emotional conflict, in varying degrees, and with an extreme range of feelings. Regrettably, stress is normally identified with anything considered undesirable or unfavorable, rather than our appreciating the dynamics of respective stressors, which could be utilized as a means by which to provide positive alternatives.
The ability with acknowledging and understanding stressors will vary greatly for everyone, which is exclusively dependent on an individual’s previous emotional influences and conditioning, and prior history with stress resolution. And this is why everyone will approach and respond to stress situations in dissimilar fashions. (Refer to Chapter I on Classical and Operant Conditioning)
All encounters will engender some degree of anxiety, and if not adequately monitored, will compound and inevitably lead to anger. And even though everyone in today’s society experiences some degree of anger, the quandary is, being able to determine whether it is consciously or unconsciously driven. (Refer to chapter III on Consciousness, Subconscious and Unconscious inner-Self)
Most individuals will inadvertently express their anger, while denying the presence of their conflicting emotions from consciousness. And as a result of ego-defense mechanisms and stress tolerance threshold, they may reveal their anger through subliminally motivated abnormal behavior, both emotionally and physically. And since this transpires on an unconscious inner-Self level, these individuals have no conscious awareness with understanding the underlying dynamics or motivating factors, or even if they are experiencing or expressing anger. (Refer to chapter II on Ego-defense Mechanisms)
To further clarify, the most essential feature with appreciating this subjective issue is, each and every thing we are exposed to in our everyday living will always involve some element of emotional stress and conflict. And it is absolutely imperative to consciously acknowledge and understand the dynamics of our stressors before we will ever be able to come to a fruitful resolution; and stressors will never be resolved through denial or wishing.
Many individuals in today’s society are pretty much at a loss with having the capacity identifying and understanding their more critical emotional issues. And as previously related, this phenomenon results because of ego-defense mechanisms. It’s inherently convenient being able to consciously deny or put-off specific anxiety producing experiences, of which will always be dependent on the scope of stress of each respective experience, and also, an individual’s stress threshold.
All stressors we fail to resolve will amass. And dependent on the accumulation and severity of the stressors, will reflect an individual’s anxiety level, i.e. extent of his or her frustrations and anger; both consciously and unconsciously. And the anger will either be internalized (masochism?), or subliminally and/or overtly generated toward others.
What makes this so intriguing is, even though stressed-out individuals may overtly, verbally and/or physically, make attempts at displaying positive and outgoing personalities, the unconscious inner-Self (subliminal feelings) will always disclose their authentic repressed emotions. And this is why it can become extremely challenging when attempting to decipher the intentions and attitudes of others.
Those individuals acquiring and accumulating the greater incidences and degrees of stress will usually comprise of the persons who are always struggling and competing for status, wealth, physical beauty, and a myriad of other abnormal emotional needs. And depending on the degree of their emotional needs and insecurities, these individuals may eventually become so conditioned; as to become addicted by dedicating their entire lives striving for these artificial triumphs. But how would they behave if there were no audiences or superficial incentives or rewards?
So the question here is, do these insatiable motivational phenomena transpire as a result of stress, or does the excessive seeking for unrealistic emotional endeavors create the stress? My take on this subject reflects that the conscious (overt) or unconscious inner-Self (subliminal) forces, which are designed as a result of early life indoctrination and classical conditioning, are the primary defining factors.
Then there are those individuals who are at the opposite end of the spectrum, with minimal or zero self-motivation. With either of these scenarios, both extremes are way out of moderation. And if not remedied, how could there ever be any experiences of genuine emotional elation?
This distraction from reality will transpire without the conscious awareness of the participants, nor will they have any insight as to the “if” or the “why” they think and behave the way they do (ego-defense mechanisms). And the underlying stimuli and motives will prevail because of classical conditioning and insecurities, all relative to overt and/or subliminal expectations.
Superficial (needs) internal and external emotional expectations (demands) will always instigate unachievable pursuits, which will engender extreme stress. I’ve come across individuals who truly believed their world to be on the right track, while unknowingly loathing their pursuits and careers. And while chasing their unobtainable pseudo dreams, failing to consciously acknowledge the fact that they were miserable. And the only means by which to vent their displeasure and frustrations with themselves were to subliminally and/or overtly displace their hostilities toward themselves (masochism) and/or others, and with the delegated unfortunate loved ones usually having priority (children?).
Anger can be articulated in many disguises. As identified, the more evident prevailing symptom I find is, individuals suppressing and exhibiting negativism toward others. The intent (expectation) is to serve as a ploy by which to share their misery with certain others, or to formulate the designated victims to become more miserable than they are.
One common scheme entails controlling and manipulating someone in an attempt to engulf (classical conditioning) him or her, with the intention of retaining their presence by which to always have someone available with whom to be able to project his or her anger. This phenomenon actually ensures the solidarity of some relationships and marriages. (Refer to Chapter V on Control and Manipulation)
Also, since misery always loves company, if individuals are able to control and manipulate the selected blessed ones to become equally or more miserable than they are, then they’re able to rationalize that this will bring them emotional relief; but in actuality, creating guilt and even more discomfort.
Relative to this phenomenon, if by some miracle, the suppressed individuals are eventually able to withdraw from the abuse. If not, they will ultimately succumb and allow themselves to become further abused, sometimes even graduating into the ranks of masochism. And since this establishes reciprocity, all involved parties will experience guilt. (Refer to Chapter VII on Guilt)
Arguing is a unique frustration and anger release dynamic. Everyone I’ve ever encountered accepts arguing as a normal form of communication. Many individuals use arguing as a substitute for communication or not being capable with carrying on normal emotional dialogue. But as a friend had once expressed to me: to argue, is comparable to “being in a pissing contest with a skunk.”
What most individuals fail to concede is; arguing is a symptom of insecurities. And believe it, for some individuals; arguing is their only means by which to communicate. But if we were truly aware of and confidently secure with our emotional environment, why would we have needs to argue with anyone?
The incentive for arguing is nothing more than the demanding (expectations) of others to agree with whatever the disparity is about. And if we have needs for others to agree with our views (dogma), we’re basically expressing our doubts about what it is we have convinced ourselves to believe, whereby exposing our insecurities with our fear of being wrong.
On a consciousness level, these individuals will unequivocally be convinced of their opinion(s), whereby obstinately defending their dogma. But on an unconscious inner-Self level, they know they may lose the dispute about the subject matter they were unsure of in the first place. And since they will feel (unconsciously only) they may be defeated, this will generate even more anger, which will be revealed both overtly and subliminally.
Another point of interest regarding this topic, as an individual accumulates stress; it’s when they reach a critical threshold where it may become so overwhelming that they need to seek out some form of emotional release. This is the reason why some individuals exhibit anger as a means by which to relieve their stress, or by unrelentingly pursuing never-ending endeavors, or, by consciously totally denying the situation, and experiencing severe neurosis. Therefore, this dynamic could be referred to as emotional explosion vs. emotional implosion.
Also of interest, while interacting with individuals who are extremely recalcitrant, we should refrain from conforming (patronizing) to their dogma, whereby asserting our opinions. Never yield to their pressures, and also, never demand or expect from them to agree with your views, even though this may terminate the relationship.
And this is when it can become extremely entertaining. We should always assert our views, which could also be generalizing and dogmatic. But regardless of how demanding or irritated the other individual(s) become, never succumb by arguing with them and contributing to this fruitless undertaking.
Those individuals who thrive on arguing will always have the need to appear more knowledgeable and superior to others, which will create an unbelievable amount of emotional tension for everyone. And because of this dilemma, they may eventually subscribe to the world of insanity. Because of ego-defense mechanisms and with the ability to consciously control their overt behavior, these individuals will still be observed as normal and functional; but only to those who are extremely dependent on them, or the ones who are also out of touch with reality.
It requires at least two or more individuals to partake in this climate of dysfunctional interaction. Should any of the participants ever find themselves powerless by not being able to control and manipulate the emotions of the other person(s), their resentment will most probably inhibit their awareness through rationalizing they hate one another.
One of the most captivating interaction scenarios I’m often confronted with is, conversing with individuals who are always devising methods by which to dominate me; whereby attempting to compete with me. While emotionally interacting with their subliminal energies and patronizing their consciousness imbalance, I find that 99% of them have very little, if any, idea about what it is they are attempting to elucidate.
To sum up my theories on this subject, the capability with consciously accepting the relevance of the stress deriving from a stressor is established during our early childhood years when we are first exposed to many different challenging and stressful situations.
It is during these early years when we first establish an emotional learning pattern, by which to learn how to realistically accept and work with stress situations, or by learning how to develop methods by which to deny and avoid them.
Simply put, if we learn how to learn in a positive sense, we will learn learning how to accept and work with challenges; or on the negative side, we learn by learning methods by which to deny or put them off to another time; i.e. procrastination. And depending on the severity and previous resolution history of stressors, we may learn how to avoid and deny acknowledging our stress load forever.
Whereas, situations requiring immediate emotional decisions, and without our relying or depending on the assistance from others, are much more beneficial for our future growth potential. And it is the severity and diversity of these experiences, and what is learned from them, which will determine to what extent we will be emotionally prepared for accepting and resolving stress situations in the future.
There will be some stressors, which we may be able to accept and resolve, whereby there will be others we’ll deny or put-off. It’s the uniqueness and severity of the exposures we experience and, what we learn from specific stressors that determine what our future stress solving abilities will be. And as I have mentioned, the learning pattern is established during our early childhood years and, with some deviations and bouncing back and forth.
We will always be experiencing and hopefully learning something new, and this learning process continues throughout puberty, adolescence and into adulthood. I don’t intend to be facetious or sarcastic, but I would venture a guess that approximately 99% of the population never matures or makes it through adolescence. There may be a lot of good acting and adult role-playing, but basically, most everyone is flailing around in a sandbox.
So again, it is how and what we have learned during our early years that will determine our stress solving abilities, involving both logic and creativity. This learning, or absence with learning, will in turn have a definite effect on our later life endeavors; i.e. marriage, children, occupation, etc.
Should we procrastinate and avoid experiencing certain stressful situations, the repercussions will not only have adverse consequences on our own personalities, but will also affect the emotions of those dependent on us. What happens is; if we fail with learning from our experiences, we will be learning (along with anyone else sufficiently needy to be around us) how to avoid emotionally growing, whereby retarding our emotional growth, thus experiencing extreme stress.
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