Emotional Needs

February 13, 2013   Emotional Needs

Richard H. von Gremmler

   We live in a world of many obstructions; consisting mostly of emotional needs.  And unfortunately, for some of us, these needs eventually become our limitations.

   Some individuals may never be capable with indentifying or purging their emotional needs.  These select persons may eventually reach a conditioning threshold, whereby, redundantly functioning in life, while exhausting their own, and also the energies of obligated others, by contriving various fashions by which to circumvent this dilemma.  (Refer to my blog on Classical and Operant Conditioning)

   To have a basic understanding regarding this phenomenon, it is essential being capable with appreciating the instability of the dissection between needing something, or the wanting of something.  And when referring to the term something, I’m including human, animal and inanimate tangibles.

   There will be circumstances where we will be able to comprehend the incentives stimulating our needs, and there will be instances where we may believe to want something, while actually needing.  And this is how we experience our feelings when confronting needs and wants; always confused with the inconsistency and transition between the two.  

   Emotional needs are established as a result of previous and ever-occurring emotional experiences and exposures, which are devised by the quality of positive or negative guidance and support (reinforcement) from external influences, i.e. parents, family, peers, etc. 

   Depending on the quality and intensity of these influences, the forces may engender a defense phenomenon, resulting with the unconsciously (subliminally) manipulated denial of various challenging stress related situations (stressors) as nonexistent, or something other than for what they actually are (rationalization).  And we may even reach a point of contradiction where we become unknowingly conditioned.  Whereby, once we reach a critical threshold, we may actually become dependent on these external influences, even though undesirable, and thus become indoctrinated being controlled and manipulated with becoming self-influencing with the same garbage as dictated by these influences!  (Refer to my blogs on Control and Manipulation, and Stress/Anger Conflicts)

   We may actually reach a plateau, whereby, involuntarily repressing the reality of previously devised external influences, to the same degree as that of our own undetectable self-suppression.  And because of this involuntary denial, which is orchestrated as a result of ego-defense mechanisms (barriers), this will produce the element of guilt.  (Refer to my blogs on Ego-Defense Mechanisms, and Guilt) 

   Everyone, though only on an involuntary and unconscious inner-Self (latent) level, constructs this phenomenon, generating and accumulating emotional needs. And this subliminal conditioning process will be directly responsible for an individual’s emotional stress threshold, and thus, personality.  (Refer to my blog on Consciousness, Subconscious and Unconscious inner-Self)

   This subliminal indoctrination begins while in the mother’s womb, and from this time on it becomes a crapshoot.  It is during these earlier years and up to our present juncture in life, where we will have been influenced understanding and appreciating the significance of our world, or, having learned the mastery of denial and resistance.  And it is the latter, which creates an individual’s distinctive “needy” personality, through the evolution of emotional needs and classical conditioning. 

   This latent and involuntary dynamic will establish a phenomenon, whereby, being directly responsible for fashioning an emotional void within our unconscious inner-Self environment (Psyche).  And depending on the magnitude of the emotional void, will determine to what extent superficial external stimuli (emotional needs) will be required to serve as a source by which to satisfy this internal emptiness.

   The problem here is, pursuing emotional needs will offer no consolation or realistic fulfillment, but will actually contribute to the increase of our existing void.   

   I also believe that the individuals supporting and contributing to these superficial and inconsequential sought after salvations, are those who are also similarly emotionally needy and also seeking out others to fulfill their own personal emotional voids.  And this eventually becomes an emotional clandestine alliance involving other lost and lonely souls, whereby establishing a collective conditioning process by which to feed off one another.

   It’s interesting observing these various swarms of individuals, especially when in an emotional feeding frenzy, similar to a gaggle of human empty vessels, attempting to satisfy their emotional voids, through the demands and expectations of one another.  And unbeknownst to everyone participating, this facade might eventually become addictive, whereby, with everyone attempting to survive by pursuing an unattainable obsession.

   What I find entertaining is that, whenever any of these individual’s are exposed to genuine and assertive emotionally positive persons, this will disrupt their logically organized compartmentalized world, as they will feel awkward with any expressions of selfless emotional genuineness.  Since, if someone has become comfortable with, and only capable associating with other similar personalities who are also possessing confused and latent emotional needs, their comfort zone will always be to seek out others who also possess this disability of expressing and receiving heartfelt feelings. 

   The extent of an individual’s emotional needs for others will always coincide with their capacity for the acceptance and resolution of stressors.  And these needs (superficial expectations) from others or physical pursuits are the essential ingredients for needy individuals to maintain their every day survival (existence). 

   If we’re incapable with fulfilling our own emotional necessities, we will consciously, though not actually comprehending the dynamics of the design contrived by the unconscious inner-Self (Psyche), choose to become dependent on anyone (emotionally) or anything (physically) that will provide relief.  And immediate gratification is the key term here, since because of emotional hunger and starvation, we’ll resort to basically anything that will give us a quick fix. And these emotional escapes will embrace a myriad of possibilities: marriage(s), superficial interactions, financial goals, sporting endeavors, vocations, drugs, etc.   

   Many highly motivated individuals, appearing to consist mostly within the male domain, will equate emotional success with financial or physical quests, or both.  And once they have achieved their pre-established (conditioned) respective goals, they will always experience a consciously self-induced emotional high.  But the problem here though, is that, even though they may experience a rush of immediate gratification, once this triumph has attained its pinnacle, there will still be a lingering need for more of this same superficial emotional euphoria, similar to that as a drug.

   And this is what has occurred within the business world, politics, sports, and other avenues of so-called success.  The sought-after potential emotional high becomes even greater once a goal has been attained, which is easily explained once you observe the conniving, cheating, drugs, etc.  There is no such thing as fair “competition,” which has become man exploiting man.

   I’m not trying to burst the bubbles of those attempting to fulfill their emotional needs through financial or physical undertakings, but the quandary here is, with inconsequential and never-ending goals, the glory and exhilaration can never last indefinitely.  Only with genuine emotional introspection and resolution can there ever be eternal solace and tranquility, and the autonomy from the struggle of external emotional dependencies.

   My hypothesis is that, when we have emotional needs for something, we actually want to want this something; projecting what we consciously anticipate will bring us pleasure, both emotionally and/or physically.  And again, emotional needs will prevail as a result of classical conditioning and the failure with monitoring and having some control over the dynamics within our internal emotional environment (unconscious inner-Self).  And emotional needs are always pursued because of an anticipated reward or fulfillment, stemming from the emotional void within the unconscious inner-Self .

   When we think we want something, and of which we had never emotionally experienced before, we need this something, whereby, actually wanting to want.  It is only when we have genuinely emotionally experienced the dynamics of something previously, will we ever have an understanding of what it is we truly want. 

   What occurs is, once we have genuinely emotionally experienced something, and with no interfering influences from our ego-defense mechanisms (barriers), we will have attained the capacity with understanding our feelings of what it was we had experienced.  This requires the ability with being capable of experiencing the authentic feelings of our emotions, and not how we think and need to believe how we feel about something.

   Simply put, for us to sincerely want something, it will be as a result of an emotional situation that we had previously emotionally experienced.  We will be capable with understanding what it is we want, but only after we have emotionally experienced this certain something before.  How can we know what it is we want, if we had never experienced it before?

   When we experience emotional needs for something, and especially if these needs are unattainable, this can elicit tremendous conflicting thought processes.  It’s similar to a vacillating scale; whereby, depending on the extent of the needs and quality of previous life experiences and exposures, will determine the level of our capacity with consciously accepting whether we are experiencing wants, or if they are actually emotional needs. 

   This blockage or distortion of our emotions, resulting because of ego-defense mechanisms (barriers), in conjunction with classical conditioning, which is always an integral component, will always occur because of the element of unapproachable fear, or in some instances, even with positive criterion.  Either of these emotional factors can disguise understanding the circumstances involved, thus preventing specific genuine emotional thought processes from entering into consciousness.  And because of this denial, we may seek out and allow others to control and manipulate our emotions, thereby creating an even greater dilemma, whereby causing us to then rebel against our inhibitions. 

   For us to ever have any certainty or emotional control over this chaotic syndrome, we must first be capable with defining, and then possessing the ability with resolving our emotional needs as they arise.  This resolution of emotional needs is essential before we can ever become free and emotionally independent of our restrictive needs.

   One means for seeking the understanding of the dynamics of the evolution of our emotional dependencies might entail becoming associated within a group of similarly emotionally distraught individuals, who are also searching for answers to explain their upheaval.  This would require all parties sharing and contributing their opinions, without demands or expectations.  All individuals must be consciously receptive to this blissful interaction, and must have the freedom to express his or her genuine feelings, without fearing rejection or reprisal, or even patronizing. 

   Another resource would involve therapy, with the purpose of creating needs for the individual(s) to become dependent on their friend(s) or counselor.  This is a form of control and manipulation, whereby, with this dependency, the therapist would be able to serve as a mentor by which to assist clients with their internal emotional growth.

   If we are able to reach a point where we develop an emotional confidence within ourselves, and capable with accepting and relinquishing most of our dependencies (emotional needs), whereby becoming independent, this is when we will become self-confident with being capable pursuing and further discovering our unique and genuine identity.

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