Control and Manipulation
Those individuals pursuing others for dominance are
generally the ones who are in extreme conflict with their own personal
emotional world. As a result of
their own internal trepidation, and the incapability with identifying their own
personal unique identity, they learn how to survive (exist) in life by
intruding into the personal emotional world of anyone vulnerable enough to
participate.
The rationale for controlling and manipulating others is
almost always designed for personal gain; through attempting to influence and
condition a selected group of individuals to fulfill their personal emotional needs
(void). (Refer to my articles on
Classical and Operant Conditioning, and Emotional Needs)
Control and manipulation will almost always be conceived
with the intent of suppressing and intimidating the emotions of someone other
for selfish motives. Unclear to
most, no one can be emotionally intimidated; but as a result of suppression and
prior classical conditioning, we learn to become self-intimidating.
No one can actually be emotionally intimidated, but as
a result of prior indoctrination (conditioning), we learn how to respond to the
dictating dynamics from others, whereby inhibiting our emotions, consequently
intimidating ourselves; thus self-intimidation.
What occurs in some instances, suppressed individuals
will actually be less inferior than the controlling parties. But because of emotional needs,
possibly the fear of loneliness, or the fear of offending or destroying a
relationship, they will deny the reality of the situation.
Everyone will experience emotional needs, and
depending on the degree of an individual’s insecurities, will determine to the
extent he or she will attempt to suppress others, or to be allowed to be
suppressed, or the reciprocity of both; as a contrivance by which to fulfill his
or her emotional needs.
Emotionally vulnerable individuals will normally submit
to dominant appearing (acting-out) individuals, because of their latent
insecurities. This is a psychosomatic
event, which incorporates both overt and/or covert (subliminal) behavior by all
parties. Conversely, insecure
individuals will always feel inadequate and uncomfortable around those who are
truly secure within their own personal emotional world.
The projected goal for pseudo dominant individuals is
to overpower (control and manipulate) the emotions of others, as a means by
which to induce them to succumb to their posturing and simulated prowess. These individuals almost always include
politicians, actors/actresses, business icons, etc., and basically anyone
pursuing endeavors for recognition.
One interesting phenomenon I commonly observe is; how
would these over-achievers (out of moderation) react if there were no
audiences? Also, I truly believe
that if an endeavor is not productive for an individual’s personal emotional advantage,
the emotional high will eventually dissipate. As with any profession that offers superficial rewards, the so-called
emotional experience can never last.
Only when we emotionally mature will we no longer have needs for
audiences, whereby becoming our own audience.
The problem with today’s society is that, myself
included, though only for a brief period, most of us are indoctrinated
(conditioned) pursuing goals for financial, prominence or other superficial
rewards, rather than for personal emotional achievements. Unfortunately, most everyone has been indoctrinated
learning how to live to work, rather than working to live.
The behavior, both overtly objective and subliminally subjective,
articulated by monetarily and status driven individuals, can become extremely
insidious, while still appearing honorable and captivating. And this scenario transpires without
any of the parties consciously distinguishing as to who is attempting to
control whom, or even that they’re participating in this fruitless scenario! (Refer to my article on Subjectivity vs.
Objectivity)
The conquest for superiority is objectively
(logically) calculated, but always subjectively (emotionally) motivated. But this need for gaining control
(superiority) over others is just a fantasy, which will always continue as a
superficial and never-ending undertaking.
And again, since these endeavors are never truly authentic, there can
never be everlasting emotional rewards, or even cessation.
There is no such thing as achieving superiority over
others; it’s just that there are those who feel inferior to some. It’s the individuals who are secure and
comfortable with their own personal identities who are truly superior within
their own confines, yet never requiring presenting themselves as such, or by dominating
or controlling others for acknowledgement and approval.
As with the term arrogance, self-doubting individuals
will act-out and make attempts at appearing to be secure and superior to others. Whereas, with those who are truly
confident with their internal emotional environment, will normally radiate positive
genuineness, whereby revealing genuine arrogance, but resented by those needing
to be and pretending to be arrogant.
The term arrogance conveys negative connotations in
today’s society. Everyone in
today’s society is indoctrinated believing that arrogance represents a lack of
consideration for others, but this is farther from the truth. Genuine arrogance signifies
self-confidence and inner-emotional tranquility (simplicity), and without needs
for infringing on or demanding approval from others.
Also, truly self-confident individuals will never be
offended when accused of arrogance or conceitedness. Whereas, with pseudo arrogant individuals, they will pretend
being distinguishing and extroverted, but in actually, are always emotionally guarded
and defensive (inhibitions). And this
is the reason why these individuals will always seek out and only appeal to emotionally
confused audiences.
This façade becomes a clandestine alliance among all participants,
with everyone oblivious to the emotional feelings of one another, whereby, with
all interaction requiring very little demands or challenges. Whereas with self-confident individuals,
there will always be dynamic and productive dialogue, and with total genuineness.
And if the participant’s displaying the aforementioned
simulated posturing, and including the respondents, had the slightest inkling as
to what was taking place, the complexities would be too overwhelming and perplexing
for any of them to consciously digest.
This transpires not just because of their apprehension or exposure of
the pretense, but primarily, the helplessness and fear with not knowing what to
do with themselves should the dynamics become apparent.
As where would the audiance go without someone to be
addicted to or dependent on? They
would be stuck within their own complicated world floundering around seeking
anyone appearing more dynamic than they are: politicians and other ideology
robots? (Refer to my article on
Dependency, Co-dependency, Independency and Interdependency)
And this is where the involuntary dynamics of
ego-defense mechanisms come into play: restriction from consciously comprehending
the dynamics of specific imaginary situations. (Refer to my article on Ego-Defense Mechanisms)
At a very early
stage in life everyone is indoctrinated learning how to achieve his or her
objectives, through domination (suppression) and/or submission, which then
develops into a conditioning process.
Unbeknownst to most, submission is another, yet incredibly effective course
of action by which to control and manipulate others.
This passive dysfunctional emotional manipulation
process entails one individual establishing a pretext by which to convince a
designated party to believe that he or she is in control, in essence,
controlling and manipulating the emotions of the other individual.
This contrivance takes place with the one individual
manipulating the other party, which is designed for the sole purpose of influencing
the other party believing having control over the instigator; totally for the
initiators personal advantage (submission). And this occurs without either party consciously
comprehending the intentions or implications of the dynamics of the deception.
To further explain, although the projected objective
appears for the other individual to be the controlling and manipulating force,
the subliminal (unconscious inner-Self) intentions are actually premeditated to
control and manipulate this other individual who has been positioned as the
controlling party. (Refer to my
article on Consciousness, Subconscious and Unconscious inner-Self)
In most circumstances, the motive for this reverse
controlling (conditioning), is to serve as an emotional and/or financial
sanctuary for the individual(s) appearing to have been subjugated.
Those individuals possessing low self-esteem and establishing
dependency on others for their emotional security rely on this strategy of
control and manipulation.
This includes an extreme assortment of circumstances; including
families, marriages, dating, friendships, employment, education, etc.
And if any of the individuals were to consciously
comprehend the dynamics of this emotional interactive pretense, the game would
go askew. And the individuals with
the lesser degree of Self-awareness, thus greater insecurities and more
effective ego-defense mechanisms, will always be the ones to respond
defensively.
One means of emotional refuge might involve an
individual physically remaining, while in actuality, emotionally withdrawing;
or by total abandonment, both emotionally and physically. But with either scenario,
positioning the culpability on the other individual(s) for destroying the
superficial relationship.
When referring to emotionally withdrawing, I’m implying
the inhibition of the feelings of an individual’s emotions. This form of defense, although without
the subject’s conscious awareness, and which results because of ego-defense
mechanisms, restricts the individual’s feelings from disclosure to everyone.
And all of this garbage and pretense takes place
because of emotional needs and classical conditioning. But for this fiasco to materialize, all
participants must be anesthetized of their own internal feelings, whereby, always
having an attraction for anyone similarly emotionally fearful.
This chaotic interaction requires at least two or more
individuals attempting to engulf one another, whereby, sucking the emotional energy
from one another (reciprocity) in an effort to fulfill the void within his or
her isolated world. And to the
degree these individuals have needs to control and manipulate others, or be
controlled is, to the degree they have very little, if any, understanding and self-awareness
of their own personal emotional world (void).
Or on a more consciously stressful level, individuals
may become obsessive by pursuing extreme external endeavors and activities,
such as vocations, sports, etc. But
basically, any perpetual and arduous methods by which to consume their time and
energy, and to be able to consciously evade the various stress producing
situations (stressors) they are unaware of and are rebelling against. And the individual’s stress levels will
determine to the extent of the diversions. (Refer to my article on Stress/Anger Conflicts)
Most everyone will utilize various avenues of behavior,
both physically and/or emotionally, to avoid confronting their prevailing stress. And again, even though the respective
goals may appear to be objectively preferable, they will always be subjectively
motivated. It is impossible to be
objectively subjective, yet there are some individuals who are capable with
being subjectively objective.
The ultimate escape from consciously experiencing
uncontrollable stress would necessitate an individual totally losing contact
with reality, while still believing and appearing functional to others; but only
to those who are also out of touch with reality. But this would involve conscious processing only; with the subconscious
and the unconscious inner-Self still being utilized for the accumulation of suppressed
and repressed stressors that were denied for conscious acceptance.
These individuals will have experienced extreme loss
of affect and conscious awareness of most of their memories, both positive and
negative, which is similar to having received electric shock therapy EST. It is my conviction that this emotional
quandary may have a significant correlation with cerebral dementia and
Alzheimer’s.
The only constructive option for these personalities
would be to seek out some form of assistance to help identify the causations,
before there can ever be any resolution with the existing stress-producing
conditions. Without resolution,
the culprits responsible for the stress will always be hidden within the
subconscious or the unconscious inner-Self, in conjunction with the prevailing
stress.
Even though the term “control and manipulation”
implies negative connotations, the one circumstance where it would be beneficial
is, in the arena of psychoanalysis.
The objective here would be for the counselor or an interdependent and
loyal friend, to serve as a mentor and become a catalyst, whereby motivating
and instructing the individual who is struggling with his or her emotional
conflicts. (Refer to my book
transcript on Psychoanalysis)
Individuals requiring emotional guidance necessitate
their becoming dependent on someone whom they can trust, and who is extremely simple
(Self-awareness). Since the
prospective client will always be emotionally distraught to some degree, and
more than likely possessing negligible self-motivation with achieving emotional
independence, it is imperative for an impartial (independent) party to
influence and assist with evolving his or her emotions.
For this process to be successful, the client must be
controlled and manipulated to a point where he or she becomes totally dependent
on the party doing the counseling!
The preferred outcome is for the client to achieve a
sufficient degree of self-awareness, whereby becoming confident and comfortable
with challenging the counseling party (mentor). Also, and of greater significance, the client eventually
developing the courage and self-assurance to vigorously confront his or her own
personal internal demons.
Everything we do or say in life is either
positive or negative, and in varying degrees. And should the counseling party’s intentions not be
admirable, he or she will experience extreme guilt, whereby, also requiring
therapy. (Refer to my article on
Guilt)
I’ve actually observed many therapists, who, because
of their dysfunctional personalities and survival needs (financial and egotistical),
actually requiring more counseling than the clients they’re presumed to be
assisting.
The most fascinating thing about control and manipulation
is, with those participating; none of the parties having any concept as to
what’s transpiring or what the motivational issues are. And what makes this so intriguing is
that, because of emotional needs and ego-defense mechanisms, the authenticity
of situations will always get lost in the translation; which begins with the
initial overt and subliminal emotional interaction.
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