Introduction

June 24, 2012  Introduction

Richard H. von Gremmler

   First off, I do not think of myself as a scholar.  I have pursued a formal education in the field of psychology, achieving various credentials, while attempting to understand the understanding of the psychology school of thought. 

   Throughout my many years of study and research of the dogma presented by the psychology establishment, I have found the subject matter to be treated as an exact science that was closely adhered to, rather than stimulating students with having the freedom by challenging the theories and actually learning how to become creative.  I eventually came to the realization that self-education to be much more productive than learning by memorization and tests of unanalyzed and untested theories.  

   I was attempting to memorize various theories deriving from the logical and objective research of others.  The one critical thing I did learn is that it is totally impossible to logically memorize anything emotional.  Whereby, I have been dedicating all of my energies toward exploring on my own, and have also integrated with the emotional world of those revealing similar interests.

   The philosophies expressed in my articles reflect my opinions and subjective views on what I have personally experienced and conceived during my lifetime.  I have passionately focused on the exploration and the examining of the emotional dynamics affecting everyone’s emotions; and all of my theories are interconnected, which constitute the formation of everyone’s unique identity (personality).  

   Some of my hypotheses will coincide with several renowned theorists, such as Freud, Pavlov, Jung, etc.; but this is to be expected, since no one has a patent on reality; as, when implicated with emotions, there is only one true and genuine reality, which is accessible to everyone, regardless of education or background.

   The fun aspect about the connection between psychology and philosophy is that, the psychology field involves nothing more than a conglomeration of theories and philosophies that have been empirically analyzed, in an effort to determine and explain the “why,” and “how” various philosophies interact within an individual’s internal emotional environment; the unconscious inner-Self (Psyche).

   I attempt to simplify all aspects of interactions and effects transpiring within everyone’s emotions, which require no memorization or formal education, since everyone has access to the reality of his or her emotions.  As, once we have disclosed and experienced, and are then able to understand a specific philosophy for its genuine significance (reality), how could we forget; or, is it possible to memorize emotions?

   My personal theories and dogma derive from the emotional challenges and trauma I have personally experienced, which I truly believe to exist within all of us, in varying aspects and degrees.  And none of my hypotheses have been memorized or transcribed from textbooks or formal research material, as again, actual reality is simplicity, which requires no formal education or memorization.

   My intent is to provoke the reader, and to provide an understanding by explaining the “why” and the “how,” the world of reality exists within all of us.  Some individuals will believe everyone to possess his or her own personal reality, but I’ll leave it for the reader to determine and live with.  Hopefully my writings will help enlighten those adhering to this conjecture, since there is only one true and genuine “reality,” regardless of how we may consciously need to believe.

   First off, I am a very simple individual, and am very confident with my philosophies.  And what I articulate is for the readers to explore and determine.  Should a reader find any difficulties with any of my philosophies, there is the possibility that this is revealing something questionable about his or her emotional world.  And should any of the readers find any topics difficult to understand or comprehend, since the material is very basic and simple, this might reveal, to a certain degree, his or her separation from reality.

   And again, I have personally experienced and comprehensively understand the emotional depth of everything I write about.  And everything I comment on could only occur in a perfect (real) world.  But unfortunately, today’s society has become a confused and dysfunctional entity, where many individuals have deviated from the world of reality, but yet, while still appearing to be functional. 

   For approximately the last half-century, I have used myself for my own personal experimentation, without regard to my ongoing emotional grief and anguish.  My emotional world had been extremely chaotic and suffocating, barely surviving while experiencing many extreme mood disorders.

   I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn’t be any more lost and miserable, so I decided I had nothing to lose by venturing into the unknown world of my unconscious inner-Self.  My world was so empty, and since there were no other viable options, I found I had to explore and discover my true and genuine identity (personality); not as how I had previously learned to think and function, but the reality for whom I truly was.

   I received counseling for a period of time, whereby eventually developing an interest in psychology and philosophy.  I have struggled through most of my tribulations, having finally attaining independency.  I have been capable with giving up almost all of my emotional needs, and this also includes my nuclear family and close associations.  Most individuals reading my manuscript will think this philosophy to be abnormal, but for me, being dependent on the emotions of anyone, I’ve learned through experience, is abnormal.  

   It’s unfortunate, but I find that most individuals look for the most convenient and least emotionally threatening path by which to contain their stress.  But this is opposing reality.  Should we fail to acknowledge an emotional situation for it’s true and genuine uniqueness, we will be deviating from the world of reality, and entering into the land of denial and confusion.  And this is what I write about!

   As I have previously explained, there is only one reality.  Achieving reality requires possessing the emotional courage and inner-security with being capable to genuinely envision and experience the reality of our emotions for the true and intrinsic significance, and to emotionally experience the genuine substance and defining factors within and around us; rather than how we may have been indoctrinated to have needs to believe for something to be.  

   Self-awareness is the key ingredient here.  It is essential to become consciously aware of and resolve the internal emotional baggage hidden within our subconscious and unconscious inner-Self, before we will ever be able to experience the genuine understanding of the emotional world from within and around us. 

   The mission and processes involved with achieving awareness of one’s unconscious inner-Self can become so mind-boggling that, at one point, an individual will actually become disillusioned with the academic world; and this includes the psychology, philosophy and psychiatric fields.  This realistic adventure is actually in conflict with some of the theories subscribed to and dictated by these fields of study.

   It is my personal opinion that, only approximately one-half of one percent of the individual’s frantically scrambling around within this vast and spacious planet will ever experience the conscious inspiration, or even the inclination, with exploring and seeking out the genuine emotional processes existing within their unknown internal environment.  Most look for quick fixes; self-help literature that is convenient and emotionally painless to digest, and with very little challenge to his or her emotional world; good luck with looking for emotional comfort from me!

   This extremely small percentage does not necessarily include or exclude any specific category of individuals as to race, gender, heritage, cultural background or physiological factors.  And this also includes those who have extensive educational and research backgrounds in the behavioral sciences.  In actuality, the understanding of the reality of the awareness of one’s emotional inner-Self is in conflict with most of the teachings and beliefs subscribed to and practiced in today’s society. 

   Once again, with achieving Self-awareness, this will reflect the capability being able with truly experiencing the reality of our feelings; not as we need to believe, but understanding the true and genuine depth of our emotions within the unconscious inner-Self, and with an acute understanding of the “WHY” we feel and behave the way we do.

   To be able to experience just the slightest degree of Self-awareness, is to experience one of the greatest revelations we could ever achieve.  And this includes both positive and negative phenomena.  This achievement with just a slight “touch of reality, “ will stimulate and reinforce us with the further pursuing of the world of reality, whereby, always striving toward becoming a more and complete human being.  And along this journey, we must constantly remind ourselves, not to procrastinate or take the easier path, as there is only one true and genuine reality.

   As I have previously related, the necessary prerequisite for even approaching this frightening task with achieving Self-awareness is, having the emotional strength and doggedness so as to not inhibit or restrict this exploration. We must have the insatiable hunger and desire to delve into our deepest hidden inner-feelings, regardless of the existing fear of the unknown or anticipation of future failure.

   And again, this determination and motivation must be so intense that, we are willing to sacrifice all existing emotional needs and relationships, including family, friends, careers and monetary goals (other than for primary needs), and basically anything we may be emotionally dependent on, or fear losing.  There must be minimal restrictions or distractions hampering our pursuit of emotional growth, as there can be no lingering or procrastination; since, if we are not progressing, we are digressing. 

   We must be emotionally independent of a significant number of external superficial influences, before the internal emotional unconscious inner-Self can ever be openly and genuinely explored.  Once previously hidden thought processes are revealed into the conscious mind (consciousness), by removal of emotional needs, this is when we will be faced with the reality of the now exposed stress-producing situation(s) (stressors), which had been suppressed (voluntarily) or repressed (involuntarily) concealed from conscious observation.

   With the stressor now identified within the conscious mind, as there is no such thing as re-repressing, the recovered stress situation will be required to be resolved.  And the stress will consciously seem much greater than before, since now we’re not able to deny or distort the reason of the stressor creating the stress.

    If we lack the motivation and desire to grow for our own personal well being, we should push ourselves for the benefit of someone that we seriously care for.  Whichever form of motivation we choose, it is imperative to have some something to fight for; to provide us with the strength and desire never to quit, whereby eventually attaining a critical growth level, where we will have sufficient self-esteem to become more self-motivated.  It’s not that we should be motivated to please whomever, but to use them as a stimulus for us to become self-motivated in order to please ourselves.   

   To explain a little about myself, I realized early in life that I had always had a certain degree of awareness of my feelings, but pretty much constrained my views, since everyone around me were in conflict with mine. 

   I remember attending school, accepting the fact that I had a learning deficit, in comparison with the other students.  This didn’t bother or offend me though, as I was very happy and comfortable with my simple and private world, and especially since no one ever challengwed or expected from me. 

   My parents and relatives were always positive and supportive, regardless of my ever-occurring dysfunctional behavior.  It was during my early upbringing, and also through my elementary and secondary years of education, when I was able to accept the fact that, society did not play with a full deck.  And especially in high school, while trying to conform to what I believed to be a nonsensical institution, attempting to study like everyone else, and finding everyone alien to my views and philosophies.

   I was pretty much confused during this period of my life, being a minority.  I finally realized I couldn’t change my feelings and join a dysfunctional society. Whereas, I tolerated and played the game to a point, never sacrificing my identity.  It was many years later when I realized that between my wonderful and supporting parents and those around me that, this was the reason I had the strength to stand alone, yet, never be lonely.

   I began my early education attending a Catholic elementary school in Maplewood, a suburb in St. Louis County, Missouri.  During this period of time, I was totally oblivious as to what was expected from me.  Looking back now, approximately 70 years later, considering where I was, both emotionally and intellectually, I wouldn’t change anything.     My informal education allowed me the freedom to entertain myself in any way I chose, where I was able to experience my genuine emotions, without any societal pressures.  I pretty much drove the nuns and those in authority crazy, because of my rebelling and failure with conforming.

   As a result of my freedom of choice during my earlier critical years of indoctrination, this was the most positive and influential environment my parents and relatives could ever have provided for me.  On one occasion, my freedom of choice entailed my mother buying me a dress and allowing me to wear it to school.  At the time, I remember the light blue dress being very colorful and attractive, and it made more sense than wearing knickers.  But this prolific experience didn’t last very long, as the dress was too cumbersome to play in, and especially since my friends kept pulling up my dress.  Fortunately, this interaction took place in the first grade, and without continuing into my later years.

   My father was always disillusioned with my attending a parochial school since he was paying the tuition, and especially with my lack of cooperation and rebellion with the school’s policies. 

   My behavior was similar to that of a disoriented turkey, but I was enjoying myself.  I was detained almost every day after school in the basement of the building where the nuns resided (convent).  One time, when I was in the second grade, a nun had locked me in the classroom, which was located on the second floor.  I was in the room for just a few minutes before my brainpower kicked in and I realized that the back window was unlocked, so I was able to shimmy down the exterior gutter.

   As a result of my unbridled dedication to my studies and discipline, I was honored with a failing grade for my second year.  Things were not going too well but I rapidly recovered; by the time I got home.  I continued on with my dysfunctional behavior.   And once I had advanced to the third grade, my friends, who had left me behind in the second, had flunked in the third grade, whereby all of us being together again.  It’s impossible attempting to separate intellectuals. 

   Through all of this, my mother was still very positive and supportive.  My father was still questioning what form of mutation he had created.  I had explained to him that I was his penance for his sins from his earlier behavior.

   By the end of the fifth grade, my father insisted on my transferring to a public school, which was funded by taxes.  My sixth grade in school was uneventful, with still rebelling against the system.  But at least my behavior was consistent.  My grades were not quite as bad as at the Catholic school, because I seriously believe that parochial schools are far more advanced and, with much more effective discipline.

   The next few years went much smoother for me since there were a number of students as unmotivated and uninterested as I was, whereby fortunately for me, no competition.

   Once in high school, this was a whole different climate.  Not only was I an illiterate student, but also, it was insinuated that I was dumb.  I was looked upon as not being too bright, dysfunctional and antisocial, but this didn’t affect me since I found others who were also like me.  It was difficult for some to understand how I could this accept this, but it was very comforting for me being looked upon as a “no hope” student, since there were no pressures and very little expected or demanded from my friends and me. 

   Throughout my high school years, I put in my time by tolerating and periodically skipping school.  Fortunately for me, many of my teachers had previously had my mother as a student and, they totally loved her.  This was when I first learned the true concept about politics.  Because of this revelation, I became the most charming kid in school, but still remaining dumb. 

   Because of my creativity and conniving, I was able to spend my entire tenure in high school taking non-challenging courses such as art, shop, gym, study hall and remedial classes.  Gym was extremely challenging, whereby, my flunking all four years.  This made life much easier since all I had to do then was to concentrate on remedial math and English, in conjunction with art and shop. 

   School had finally reached a point where I was actually enjoying myself.  I had unintentionally devised and conveyed an unwritten understanding with the teachers that, if I behave, they don’t require any brainpower from me.  But this didn’t offend me by being pitied by the teachers and some of the more advanced students.  I was probably more arrogant than all of the top scholars in the school.  And I still had my click of dumb friends!

   Believe it or not, I actually felt sorry for the serious and erudite students.  They were always stressed out and worrying about their grades, while I was always jovial and upbeat.  I found the so-called scholars to be walking around in a daze, appearing grim and unfulfilled.  The only stress I ever experienced was how I was going to earn enough money for playing pool and buying gas for my derelict car, and also, seeking out new avenues with having fun.

   I plan on updating and revising my articles on a never-ending basis, with the purpose of delving deeper in to my personal emotional world, for further disclosure.

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                                                  Editing and Additions Required