Giving and
Receiving
Richard H.
von Gremmler
The dynamics regarding
this subject matter are very disconcerting for everyone in today’s society; and
I mean everyone! Humans are impotent
with truly grasping the actual distinction with genuine giving; which embraces
both emotional giving and receiving. Unfortunately,
because of personal emotional needs, everyone has learned how to give to
receive. (Refer to my article on Emotional Needs)
We will always look
to others to satisfy our emotional needs; through creative methods of manipulative
giving. These needs may encompass experiencing
guilt because of some conflict, the need to be loved, the need for others to become
dependent on us, or a myriad of other dysfunctional possibilities. (Refer to my articles on Control and
Manipulation, Guilt, and Dependency/Co-Dependency/Independency/Interdependency)
Everyone will create
subliminal emotional expectations of others, by requiring them to fulfill his
or her own personal needs, and without any consideration for the other party’s
emotional well-being. And because of this,
there will always be the element of suspicion and distrust, unbeknownst to all participants.
When giving, the
only truthful and sincere form of giving is, to give without requiring or expecting
any manner of response or compensation.
This positive and genuine form of giving is, giving to give, without
expecting something in return. And this
must be effected with genuine caring and consideration, and above all else, without
patronizing. But the difficulty here is,
even if we are capable with truly giving and sharing with others, it is
essential that we assist the other party(s) with accepting and receiving the substance
of our giving.
Since everyone gives
with ulterior motives, ordinary giving is always for self-centered reasons;
thus the receiving party is not required to be genuinely grateful. But should the giving party sincerely give to
give and not to receive, if the receiving person cannot accept this giving, he
or she will experience guilt.
The overt overture with
giving without genuine feelings is much less complicated, since no one is aware
of the hidden feelings of one another anyway, and especially their own. And with this pseudo interaction, no one will
consciously experience stress or guilt. I compare this to a group of oblivious
zombies wandering around in life, bouncing off the emotions of one another,
totally oblivious to their emotional surroundings.
Subliminal feelings are the primary issue
here. It is impossible to subliminally
give warmth and positive feelings, unless we are emotionally independent and
possess Self-awareness.
Should a party be expecting a gift or favor
from someone, and there is no reaction to the affirmative by the other party,
and the prospective receiving party is upset or offended, then he or she is
revealing needs to receive, rather than receiving as a form of giving. To be positive about not receiving a gift or
reward from someone, is actually giving to oneself!
It’s very difficult receiving
something as a favor or gift. We must be
capable with accepting the giving, and without feeling obligated. When this occurs, the receiving party is not
only being good to himself or herself, but above all else, truly pleasing the
other party by the genuine emotional gesture of receiving. But the difficulty here would be if the
giving individual is caught off-guard with the genuine appreciation from the
receiving party, and then feeling obligated to the receiving party for their
giving by receiving.
One interesting
scenario I have found is, there are individuals who will actually create
subliminal expectancies from others through giving, while fully comprehending
that the other person(s) are incapable with satisfying their requests. This transpires because of an insidious need
to sabotage the other party’s behavior for failure. This gives the manipulator justification to
be displeased with the other individual, whereby creating anguish for the other
party(s), as a means by which to complement the manipulators own miserable
world, since misery does love company.
But by our setting up someone for failure, we
will experience guilt, thus everyone involved equally sharing guilt and
misery. Some relationships actually
survive in this manner, or on an even more sinister level, with the
individual(s) seeking out someone that he or she can share a deeper form of
emotional grief with; masochism!
Today’s society is not only confused with
genuine emotional giving, but everyone is extremely fearful of genuine love and
warmth. Thus, everyone is considerably
more comfortable when there are no emotional demands or expectations placed on
him or her.
So the big question
is, if we give to others, are we giving to give, or are we actually giving to
receive? If we truly give to others for
their sole benefit, and without any need for recompense or approval, we are
actually giving to ourselves. Whereby,
we are actually giving to ourselves by giving (positive response) to
others. This is a win-win situation, as
we are basically being good to ourselves while helping others.
This phenomenon of
giving and receiving is most apparent within most families. Most parents will favor one child over
another, just because of how pleased they are with the child fulfilling the
parents’ emotional needs. These needs
will always entail the demanding of children to fulfill the parent’s own
emotional needs, but never for what might be beneficial for the children.
And all of this
garbage transpires as a result of parents failing to be emotionally responsible;
by expressing genuine love and caring for their children! Most parents are selfish and apathetic, and are
just concerned about themselves, while just tolerating their children. Look at all of the displaced and emotionally
abandoned children in today’s society, and with society not giving a damn!
Editing Required
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