February
13, 2013 Emotional Needs
Richard H.
von Gremmler
We live
in a world of many obstructions; consisting mostly of emotional needs. And unfortunately, for some of us,
these needs eventually become our limitations.
Some individuals may never be capable
with indentifying or purging their emotional needs. These select persons may eventually reach a conditioning
threshold, whereby, redundantly functioning in life, while exhausting their
own, and also the energies of obligated others, by contriving various fashions
by which to circumvent this dilemma.
(Refer to my blog on Classical and Operant Conditioning)
To have a
basic understanding regarding this phenomenon, it is essential being capable
with appreciating the instability of the dissection between needing something,
or the wanting of something. And
when referring to the term something, I’m including human, animal and inanimate
tangibles.
There
will be circumstances where we will be able to comprehend the incentives
stimulating our needs, and there will be instances where we may believe to want
something, while actually needing.
And this is how we experience our feelings when confronting needs and
wants; always confused with the inconsistency and transition between the
two.
Emotional
needs are established as a result of previous and ever-occurring emotional
experiences and exposures, which are devised by the quality of positive or
negative guidance and support (reinforcement) from external influences, i.e.
parents, family, peers, etc.
Depending
on the quality and intensity of these influences, the forces may engender a
defense phenomenon, resulting with the unconsciously (subliminally) manipulated
denial of various challenging stress related situations (stressors) as
nonexistent, or something other than for what they actually are
(rationalization). And we may even
reach a point of contradiction where we become unknowingly conditioned. Whereby, once we reach a critical
threshold, we may actually become dependent on these external influences, even
though undesirable, and thus become indoctrinated being controlled and
manipulated with becoming self-influencing with the same garbage as dictated by
these influences! (Refer to my
blogs on Control and Manipulation, and Stress/Anger Conflicts)
We may
actually reach a plateau, whereby, involuntarily repressing the reality of
previously devised external influences, to the same degree as that of our own
undetectable self-suppression. And
because of this involuntary denial, which is orchestrated as a result of
ego-defense mechanisms (barriers), this will produce the element of guilt. (Refer to my blogs on Ego-Defense
Mechanisms, and Guilt)
Everyone,
though only on an involuntary and unconscious inner-Self (latent) level,
constructs this phenomenon, generating and accumulating emotional needs. And
this subliminal conditioning process will be directly responsible for an
individual’s emotional stress threshold, and thus, personality. (Refer to my blog on Consciousness,
Subconscious and Unconscious inner-Self)
This
subliminal indoctrination begins while in the mother’s womb, and from this time
on it becomes a crapshoot. It is
during these earlier years and up to our present juncture in life, where we will
have been influenced understanding and appreciating the significance of our
world, or, having learned the mastery of denial and resistance. And it is the latter, which creates an
individual’s distinctive “needy” personality, through the evolution of emotional
needs and classical conditioning.
This
latent and involuntary dynamic will establish a phenomenon, whereby, being
directly responsible for fashioning an emotional void within our unconscious
inner-Self environment (Psyche).
And depending on the magnitude of the emotional void, will determine to
what extent superficial external stimuli (emotional needs) will be required to
serve as a source by which to satisfy this internal emptiness.
The
problem here is, pursuing emotional needs will offer no consolation or
realistic fulfillment, but will actually contribute to the increase of our
existing void.
I also
believe that the individuals supporting and contributing to these superficial
and inconsequential sought after salvations, are those who are also similarly
emotionally needy and also seeking out others to fulfill their own personal
emotional voids. And this
eventually becomes an emotional clandestine alliance involving other lost and
lonely souls, whereby establishing a collective conditioning process by which
to feed off one another.
It’s
interesting observing these various swarms of individuals, especially when in
an emotional feeding frenzy, similar to a gaggle of human empty vessels,
attempting to satisfy their emotional voids, through the demands and
expectations of one another. And
unbeknownst to everyone participating, this facade might eventually become
addictive, whereby, with everyone attempting to survive by pursuing an unattainable
obsession.
What I
find entertaining is that, whenever any of these individual’s are exposed to
genuine and assertive emotionally positive persons, this will disrupt their
logically organized compartmentalized world, as they will feel awkward with any
expressions of selfless emotional genuineness. Since, if someone has become comfortable with, and only
capable associating with other similar personalities who are also possessing
confused and latent emotional needs, their comfort zone will always be to seek
out others who also possess this disability of expressing and receiving
heartfelt feelings.
The
extent of an individual’s emotional needs for others will always coincide with
their capacity for the acceptance and resolution of stressors. And these needs (superficial
expectations) from others or physical pursuits are the essential ingredients
for needy individuals to maintain their every day survival (existence).
If we’re
incapable with fulfilling our own emotional necessities, we will consciously,
though not actually comprehending the dynamics of the design contrived by the
unconscious inner-Self (Psyche), choose to become dependent on anyone
(emotionally) or anything (physically) that will provide relief. And immediate gratification is the key
term here, since because of emotional hunger and starvation, we’ll resort to
basically anything that will give us a quick fix. And these emotional escapes
will embrace a myriad of possibilities: marriage(s), superficial interactions,
financial goals, sporting endeavors, vocations, drugs, etc.
Many
highly motivated individuals, appearing to consist mostly within the male
domain, will equate emotional success with financial or physical quests, or
both. And once they have achieved
their pre-established (conditioned) respective goals, they will always
experience a consciously self-induced emotional high. But the problem here though, is that, even though they may
experience a rush of immediate gratification, once this triumph has attained
its pinnacle, there will still be a lingering need for more of this same
superficial emotional euphoria, similar to that as a drug.
And this
is what has occurred within the business world, politics, sports, and other
avenues of so-called success. The
sought-after potential emotional high becomes even greater once a goal has been
attained, which is easily explained once you observe the conniving, cheating,
drugs, etc. There is no such thing
as fair “competition,” which has become man exploiting man.
I’m not
trying to burst the bubbles of those attempting to fulfill their emotional
needs through financial or physical undertakings, but the quandary here is,
with inconsequential and never-ending goals, the glory and exhilaration can
never last indefinitely. Only with
genuine emotional introspection and resolution can there ever be eternal solace
and tranquility, and the autonomy from the struggle of external emotional
dependencies.
My
hypothesis is that, when we have emotional needs for something, we actually
want to want this something; projecting what we consciously anticipate will
bring us pleasure, both emotionally and/or physically. And again, emotional needs will prevail
as a result of classical conditioning and the failure with monitoring and
having some control over the dynamics within our internal emotional environment
(unconscious inner-Self). And
emotional needs are always pursued because of an anticipated reward or
fulfillment, stemming from the emotional void within the unconscious inner-Self
.
When we
think we want something, and of which we had never emotionally experienced
before, we need this something, whereby, actually wanting to want. It is only when we have genuinely
emotionally experienced the dynamics of something previously, will we ever have
an understanding of what it is we truly want.
What
occurs is, once we have genuinely emotionally experienced something, and with
no interfering influences from our ego-defense mechanisms (barriers), we will
have attained the capacity with understanding our feelings of what it was we
had experienced. This requires the
ability with being capable of experiencing the authentic feelings of our
emotions, and not how we think and need to believe how we feel about something.
Simply
put, for us to sincerely want something, it will be as a result of an emotional
situation that we had previously emotionally experienced. We will be capable with understanding
what it is we want, but only after we have emotionally experienced this certain
something before. How can we know
what it is we want, if we had never experienced it before?
When we
experience emotional needs for something, and especially if these needs are
unattainable, this can elicit tremendous conflicting thought processes. It’s similar to a vacillating scale;
whereby, depending on the extent of the needs and quality of previous life
experiences and exposures, will determine the level of our capacity with
consciously accepting whether we are experiencing wants, or if they are
actually emotional needs.
This
blockage or distortion of our emotions, resulting because of ego-defense
mechanisms (barriers), in conjunction with classical conditioning, which is
always an integral component, will always occur because of the element of
unapproachable fear, or in some instances, even with positive criterion. Either of these emotional factors can
disguise understanding the circumstances involved, thus preventing specific
genuine emotional thought processes from entering into consciousness. And because of this denial, we may seek
out and allow others to control and manipulate our emotions, thereby creating
an even greater dilemma, whereby causing us to then rebel against our
inhibitions.
For us to
ever have any certainty or emotional control over this chaotic syndrome, we
must first be capable with defining, and then possessing the ability with
resolving our emotional needs as they arise. This resolution of emotional needs is essential before we
can ever become free and emotionally independent of our restrictive needs.
One means
for seeking the understanding of the dynamics of the evolution of our emotional
dependencies might entail becoming associated within a group of similarly
emotionally distraught individuals, who are also searching for answers to
explain their upheaval. This would
require all parties sharing and contributing their opinions, without demands or
expectations. All individuals must
be consciously receptive to this blissful interaction, and must have the
freedom to express his or her genuine feelings, without fearing rejection or
reprisal, or even patronizing.
Another
resource would involve therapy, with the purpose of creating needs for the
individual(s) to become dependent on their friend(s) or counselor. This is a form of control and
manipulation, whereby, with this dependency, the therapist would be able to
serve as a mentor by which to assist clients with their internal emotional
growth.
If we are
able to reach a point where we develop an emotional confidence within
ourselves, and capable with accepting and relinquishing most of our
dependencies (emotional needs), whereby becoming independent, this is when we
will become self-confident with being capable pursuing and further discovering
our unique and genuine identity.
Editing and
additions required
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